So I’ve been on housejob close to 4 months now, and I’ve come across all sorts of patients, the awesome, the annoying and everything in between.
I decided to blog about some of the extreme patients I’ve seen. If you’re a doctor or medical student, I hope you can relate with some of them.
Disclaimer: This post is for comic purpose only and should NOT be used as a reference to categorize patients.
1. The Ideal patient.
“Consistent Mr. Kay.”
On Physical Examination, his General Condition is always Stable.
Mr Kay is everyone’s favorite patient and whenever he is admitted on the ward, we want to throw him a WELCOME PARTY!!!
He takes his follow up appointments very seriously too.
I know what you’re thinking, well…Mr. Kay doesn’t exist.
Not in this part of the world anyway.
2. The Overly thankful patient.
“Grateful Madam Vera”
Madam Vera is usually nice and all that, but too profuse in her show of appreciation.
Rather than pay you the occasional compliment, she literally smothers you with words like…
“Well done, doctor”
“Thank you so much, doctor”
“God bless you, my doctor”
“God will reward you, able doctor”
“I’m so grateful, doctor”
And she repeats such lines over and over.
Eventually you have no choice but to ignore her accolades in order to get your job done.
Solution: Play deaf and dumb. Smile/Nod when you can.
3. The Defiant patient.
“Stubborn Lady Kate.”
Lady Kate is a thorn in the flesh for any Doctor that attends to her.
For one, she can argue for Africa.
She won’t do any thing you ask her to do.
And she does everything you advise her not to do.
If she’s diabetic, she insists that she can’t sleep unless she has had a bottle of soda.
She questions every prescription or investigation you order for her.
Obviously, she defaults in her appointments and her drug compliance is next to zero.
Lady Kate insists that she knows her own body better than any doctor and will treat it the best way she knows how to.
You begin to wonder why she came to the hospital in the first place.
Solution: Don’t admit or attend to her unless she signs an undertaking.
4. The Fretful patient.
“Fearful Sir Tim”
Sir Tim typically presents to the ER with 100 complains.
From a backache to a sore throat to a headache to a constipation to a cough to a fever…the list is inexhaustible. .
Although faithful with his medications and hospital visits, he is always tearful and believes he is dying.
With each new visit, you are tempted to diagnose him with a somatization disorder or walk him out of the door.
But you can’t help but hand him a tissue and listen to the same complains for the third time in a week.
Solution: Reassure him, prescribe some multivitamins, encourage him to take several walks and lots of fresh air and see him on outpatient basis.
5. The impatient patient.
“Restless Ms. Clara”
Ms. Clara is always on the move.
She treats her health like it is the last thing on her mind.
She can’t wait to get over any clinic appointment.
If there’s a surgery on the way, she wants to have it done the very next day.
If there’s a drug you’ve prescribed, she expects it to work the next minute.
As an inpatient, she’s in a hurry to leave the hospital bed.
Her only way of greeting is “Doctor, when am I going home?”
Solution: Allow her to Leave Against Medical Advice, because no time.
6. The Entitled Patient.
“Grumpy Mister Ben”
He is the worst kind of patient to attend to especially when you’re short on sleep or food.
Mister Ben can be very demanding, controlling and downright rude.
He believes he has a right to be attended to as soon as he walks in through the ER and uses lawsuit threats to intimidate anyone that says otherwise.
It’s not helpful that he’s some retired military personnel who knows a few names in top government.
Mister Ben’s voice is usually louder than anyone’s.
He criticizes anything that does not meet his expectations- including the hospital bed linen!
Every bedside visit is like an interrogation session for the doctor. Even nurses try to avoid him during their shifts.
Mister Ben cannot be pleased, and it’s useless to attempt to do so.
Solution: Refer him to the next available Doctor.😉
What types of patients have you met as a doctor or med student?
What type of patient are you? I’m a Ms Clara. Because, no time. 😂🙈