BOOK REVIEW|| Friends, Partners and Lovers 

Author: Kevin A. Thompson

Genre: Non-Fiction, Christian


||How I came across the book
A friend shared this book with and I also had the opportunity to be in a small group where the book was read and reviewed. 

||Expectations

I loved the title of this book from the first glance, because it described marriage in a multidimensional way; so I knew I was going to enjoy its content. I’m glad I wasn’t disappointed.


||Lessons 
– Marriage is an exclusive relationship. It creates a hard boundary between us and others. 

– A successful marriage doesn’t happen on a whim. It isn’t a fortunate twist of fate. 

– The number one cause of divorce is a lack of intentional investment in the marriage. Far more marriages die of apathy than adultery. 

– Marriage demands courage. It requires strength when we have none to give.

– Marriage calls for transparency when we want to be secretive. We have to run toward problems when we want to run away. 

– In marriage, we have to admit fault when we want to deny it. We have to recognize ignorance and do something about it. If an issue is important to one spouse, it has to be important to both spouses. 

– Very often, couples do not put in the work because of the misconception that a good marriage is based on luck and doesn’t require work because our spouse is perfect for us. 

– We like the idea that love is unexplainable, because if we can’t explain it we can’t be expected to maintain it or grow it.

– Marriage doesn’t make you happy. It’s your happiness that determines whether your marriage is happy or not. Two unhappy people can never make a happy marriage. 

– Healthy couples don’t just wait until they feel something to do something. They form the discipline of investing in their spouse (even when they don’t feel like it), and that investment influences their affections.


PART A: Friendship in Marriage

– At the foundation of any good marriage is deep friendship. By no means should a spouse be your only friend, but they should be your best friend. 

– The demands of parenting, career, and life can become so overwhelming that the friendship aspect of a marriage is easily ignored.

– Many marriages struggle because the couple does not continue to develop the friendship throughout the marriage. 

– Friendship is built on shared attention and experiences. It is more than just positive experiences, but without positive experiences, a friendship ceases.

– Creating positive interactions with your spouse is necessary because the negative interactions within a marriage are guaranteed. 

Aim to have your spouse as the first person to share your significant moments with. In doing this, you aren’t just sharing the moment; you’re sharing yourself.

– To give good moments to other friends before you give them to your spouse is to starve your marriage of the very thing it needs to thrive.

– Time is a prerequisite for friendship. If you won’t make time for your spouse, you can not be friends. Do not invest in other friendships at the expense of our spouse.

– Friends talk. They communicate. They interact with one another. The biggest symptom of a dying relationship is silence. Silence is a symptom of apathy. 

– We all have friends we haven’t seen in years, and we still feel the same way about them that we always have, because there have not been too many withdrawals.

– Our emotional bank is quickly depleted when we continue to make withdrawals from a relationship without depositing into it.

– Few things breed intimacy as much as playfulness. Friends have fun, and having fun builds friendships.

– When married couples are also best friends, they are comfortable with one another. The marriage is a fort—a place where both partners can find safety and comfort.

– Life is hard enough but friends can help carry the burden, ease the pain and lessen the load.

– It is easier to suffer with another than alone. Marry someone who suffers well. Someone who hopes no matter the circumstances. So that when life falls apart, you have someone you can run to, not someone you want to run from. 


PART B: Partnership in Marriage

– When partners begin a business, they bring different strengths, abilities, and backgrounds to the table. They believe that they are better together than apart.

As it is in business, so it is in marriage. Marriage is a partnership. It is a business decision. Many people live in denial of this reality, but it is true. 

– The partnership is no less important than the friendship or the sexual connection. Our differences are both the source of our greatest frustration and the place of our greatest potential.

– Partnership doesn’t mean both spouses will perform the exact same tasks. It however means they will be equally involved in energy and effort toward the well-being of the marriage.

– This is the heart of partnership—two people fully committed to the well-being and success of their spouse. As they each benefit the other, they receive benefits from the relationship. Each individual thrives as the relationship itself thrives.

– It reassures us that in failure and success we will have someone to weep with us or cheer us on. It challenges us to live day to day with another adult who is striving to do the best they can.

– Respect is a prerequisite for a healthy partnership. When respect is absent, a husband and wife cannot be true partners. If we treat our spouse in a way we would never treat a stranger, we are not respecting them. 

– We respect people’s strengths. This doesn’t happen in denial of their weaknesses, but it is the result of seeing those imperfections within a larger context of abilities, aptitudes, and skills.
– Friendship fuels partnership because it gives us a deeper understanding of our spouse, which causes us to better understand who they are and what is happening in their lives.
– In marriage, conflict is guaranteed. Friction is a must. While we shouldn’t seek it, we should embrace it, because making peace in the midst of conflict is important in marriage.

– Healthy couples are not afraid of negotiation. They understand it is a natural part of being married. The task of a good marriage is to find common ground in the midst of differences.

– Peace is not something that magically happens. Peace is made. It is struggled for and fought for. It is attained through hardwork, sacrifice, energy, and effort. 
– Communication is a key skill of good partnerships. Humility and Honesty are necessary ingredients for good communication to take place.

– When couples confront problems as problems rather than people, they remain on the same side. It is them against the problem. While they each may have differing opinions on how to solve it, they are united in their attempt to find common ground.

– Love demands difficult conversations. Issues cannot be ignored. Feelings must be communicated, opinions must be presented, and frustrations must be expressed. 

– Love is not the ability to know what our spouse is thinking without asking; love is taking the time to ask, listen, and act in response to what our spouse tells us.

– Wise couples use hard words, not harsh words. They aren’t afraid to say what needs to be said. Hard words provide an opportunity to expose a problem and fix it; harsh words distract from the issue and focus on finding faults with the person. 


PART C: Love in Marriage
– In the best of scenarios, a healthy couple will have many meaningful friendships. But they should have physical intimacy with only one person. 

The greatest of lovers are the best of friends. The best thing the average couple can do to assist their sex life is to nourish their friendship. Great friends have great sex.

– Sex is a unique connection meant for husband and wife. But being lovers is more than just having sex.

– Feeling cherished, valued, desired, and loved can assist a person in becoming fully alive. 

– One of the most fun aspects of marriage is waking up every day knowing someone else wants you to succeed. In a healthy marriage, each person is doing everything in their power to make the other person’s dreams come true. 

– The biggest misconception young couples have of marriage is that sex will be easy. Yet nothing could be further from the truth. Great sex is rarely easy.

– In fiction, sex appears easy, but real sex is much messier than we like it to be. It confronts our deepest insecurities and wounds, and unless we can trust the person we are intimate with, we will be guarded.

– Pornography and prostitution promise sex without emotional demands, and sex outside of marriage promises the physical experience without any responsibilities. But they never fully provide what they promise. 

– A strong sexual connection takes time, knowledge, wisdom, understanding, and a lot of trial and error.

– The greatest aspect of sex is giving pleasure. Paradoxically, when each spouse attempts to give pleasure rather than seek it, they both give it and receive it. 

– The unknown aspects of life is what makes marriage so risky and what makes the vow to love so beautiful. We vow to one another our very best no matter what might come—for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.

– Both partners should be excited to learn, struggle, and figure out how to have a good marriage. No pretending. No posturing. No assumptions. When trust is present, a couple can confront and endure nearly anything. 

– Deliberately create time to give your spouse your best. When you are most awake, most refreshed, most alive, give that time to the one you love the most.

– Marriage is best lived in gratitude. Gratitude empowers us to see the good in our spouse. Though life still has its demands, the presence of gratitude helps a couple not be overwhelmed by them.

– Every relationship takes a backseat to marriage, including relationships with other family members. Spouses before children and spouses before parents.

– Marriage is one compromise after another. If you are not willing to give and take in a variety of areas, you are not willing to do what is necessary to be happy. 

– To become lifetime lovers, be willing to keep trying, failing, and trying again. 


||Conclusion 

– Being a good spouse is demanding. It is not enough to play one role; we must play three. Unless we are a friend, partner, and lover, we are failing to give our spouse everything we have promised and everything they deserve.
– Friendship and partnership should make us better lovers. Friendship gives us patience with one another. Partnership gives us the ability to learn and grow. When they are put together, we are better lovers because we patiently learn what our spouse needs and desires.


||Observation

This book has so much depth. I love how it addresses the practical issues of marriage. 

||Recommendations

To every couple, young or old, willing to make the most out of their marriage. And to every aspiring couple willing to prepare themselves for the requirements of a solid and healthy marriage. 

I hope you enjoyed the review.

Thank you for reading,

:::requ1ne:::

    ❤️❤️❤️

A Day In The Life…(01/02/19)

This Blogpost was initially titled- A Day in the Life of a Jobless Doctor😂😂😂

Enjoy!

___

5:38 am I wake up without planning to. I had roughly 4 hours of sleep with three weird dreams like that.😱 
It’s pitch black. No light. Nothing unusual. This is Naija.


5:40 am My Alarm rings, and I switch on the rechargeable lamp in my room then drag myself to the bathroom.


5:46 am Back from my bathroom trip, where I peed and washed my face. I’ve also taken some water. Time for devotion. 


6:30 am
I’m done with my quiet time- sang from my hymn book, read the bible and prayed. I have a prayer schedule, today’s prayer was on spiritual warfare. 

6:37 am  I filled in my daily planner. Here’s what the breakdown looks like:

  • 6:00-7:00 am Read two books 
  • 7:00- 8:00 am Edit Blog draft (February: 4 Secrets to waiting well)
  • 8:00 – 9:00 am Work on a project (on my laptop)
  • 9:00 – 10:00 am Study  
  • 10:00 – 2:00 pm Hangout with Niyot/Go to the supermarket 
  • 3:00 – 6:00 pm Study 
  • 6:00 – 8.00 pm: Publish blog post 
  • 8:00 – 10:00pm: Telegram group discussion 

***

7:05 am I’m done with the first book (Model Marriage by Deg-Heward Mills). It’s a new one. Interesting read so far. 

7:24 am I’m done with the second book too (Jumpstart Your Leadership by John C. Maxwell). 

I’m sleepy, I should have my bath. 



7:42 am
Fresh out of the oven, sorry bathroom. Can you smell the fragrance of my soap? It’s delicious. #TeamJoySoap

7:53 am Now editing the blog draft I want to publish this evening. 

8:51 am Done with the blog draft. It looks like it’ll rain, which is a perfect excuse for a quick nap. I’m sleepy. 

9:02 am I want to sleep but there’s so much to do. I bring out my laptop to work on my project instead. It has started to rain, I love the smell of rain. 



10:05 am I’m done working on the project for today. I shutdown my laptop. The rain has stopped, sadly.  
It’s time to check the social media. But before that let me get breakfast…

10:15 am I’m back from the kitchen. Breakfast is nothing serious, just bread and boiled egg. I’m not a fan of morning tea. I don’t like bread either, but what choice do I have?

10:32 am Finished breakfast and spent quite some time scrolling through my messages on whatsapp. I almost forgot I left some cake warming in the oven. It’s for the friend I want to visit (as peace offering) because I’m about 30 minutes behind schedule. 🙈

10:51 am I brushed my teeth, got dressed, used some makeup, wrote a shopping list and tidied my bed. 



11:05 am
Leaving the house finally. First of all, selfie time. 


My dad was kind enough to let me use his car and driver (No, I don’t have a car yet and I can’t drive to save my life). I just called my friend, and guess what? She just left her house too…haha. I think I’ll just go and shop.


11:43 am I just finished shopping, interestingly, I left my shopping list in the car but thankfully I remembered everything I wrote but I spent more than I budgeted. All the same, I’m Thankful for God’s provision. 


11:56 am I’m at my friend’s place, and she’s not even here yet. Sighs. Her apprentices are here sha. What to do with my time? Try to study or just press my phone?


12:16 pm
My friend is here at last. She goes to sort out one or two things while I wait in the lobby. I’m trying to go through my tutorial notebook. There’s a radio playing in the shop, I can’t concentrate on what I want to study, so I give up. 

14:37 pm Still at my friend’s place. We just had lunch. Noodles and egg (again, I know). Of course we’ve also gisted non-stop for the past 2 hours or so. 

Meet the CEO, Beracah house of fashion.

Okay, so the purpose of my visit was to try on two of the attires she made for me, oh did I mention that my friend is a fashion designer? Yup, and she’s really good.


15:59 pm
I’m leaving my friend’s place now, my dad’s driver came to pick me. I’m exhausted but it was a time well spent. Yet to study anything today. I know I’m not serious enough and my exam is in about 2 months. 

16:10 pm On my way home a friend calls about a job offer in another town. Yeah, I’m job hunting.

She asks me to write an application letter, send it via whatsapp, and she’ll print out and submit herself. 

16:23 pm Home and very exhausted. I should get some rest, before thinking about what to fix for dinner. Yawns. *So tired*

16:39 pm My friend calls me back again for a detail concerning the job offer. We discuss briefly then I put my phone on silent mode. I really need this sleep, I’m beginning to have a headache. 

Sleeping beauty…

18:07 pm I’m awake. Just like I expected, I have 4 missed calls. 2 from my friend, 2 from an unknown number. I call my friend who told me she succeeded with submitting the application. Then the unknown number calls back, I’m expected by 9 am tomorrow, in Ilorin. For an interview, maybe? To go or not to go??First of all, it is time to fix dinner. 

18:31 pm It took a while, but I finally figured out what to make for dinner. Semo/Okro/Chicken stew. I’ll be going to Ilorin tomorrow BTW. Just discussed the details with my mum. Mixed feelings but what choice do I have? I do need a job. 

18:45 pm Dinner is almost ready. My target each night is to have dinner served by 7pm. While cooking, I’m trying to publish the blog post by adding the necessary images. 

Dinner prep…


19:25 pm Dinner is ready! Yummy!!


19:37 pm I’m done eating, time to plan for my trip. Oh wait, I should publish the blog post first. 

20:04 pm I’m done publishing the blog post. Here’s the link

I’ll skip the tonight’s online discussion cos I need to pack for my trip (who knows maybe I’ll get the job on the spot). 

21:29 pm  Packing, Ironing and Laundry all in progress. I’m exhausted tbh, but I have to try. 

22:29 pm I’ve brushed my teeth and washed my face. Laundry and Ironing completed. Almost done with packing.


22:54 pm Done with packing. I’ve noted my expenses for today (thanks to my Requine’s journal expenses tracker). I want to reply a mail now, then log out of social media. After which, I should read my bible, pray then sleep. Tomorrow is a long day. 



23:04 pm Here’s my Goodnight video…


 Ooops, lights out!!!

It’s pitch black, again. Sighs.

***

I hope you enjoyed reading this?
:::requ1ne:::

Housejob Chronicles: Memoirs of an Ex-HouseOfficer! (2)

Please read the previous part here
 

***

 1. Can we meet you?

 

I’m Dr Sarah Ifeoluwa Oloruntoba, a graduate of Bowen University  (2017)

 

2. Favorite posting, and why?:

O&G

I enjoyed the morning reviews and working with my senior colleagues. 

They made things so easy despite the fact that I was in a stressful unit as the only House Officer. 

I also had enough time to do other things I wanted to do (like blogging, cooking healthy meals etc)

 

3. Least favorite posting, and why?:

Surgery

 Surgery posting was extremely stressful. 

I didn’t even have the time to go to church and I spent almost everyday  in the hospital. I also didn’t like the fact that I couldn’t really plan my day without any interruption.
4. Best call(s) ever:

The calls I prayed about, telling God the specific number of patients I wanted to see and got my request.

 

5. Worst call ever:

One Gynae emergency call. That night was really eventful.

I was so scared but my chief Dr Sule, was calm and brave all through. 

One lesson I learnt from that call is how to be calm yet brave enough to face my fears and handle situations to the best of my ability while awaiting help. 

 

6. Nicest Chief(s) I worked with:

 Most of my chiefs were actually nice.

However there are some that I will not forget too quickly:

  • O and G posting: Dr Awolumate and Dr Akinro
  • Paediatrics posting: Dr Owa
  • Internal medicine posting: Dr Palma
  • Surgery posting: Dr Aduloju, Dr Ibrahim and Dr Ogoji 

 

7. Most admirable consultant:

Dr Temitope ODI (Consultant Paediatric Surgeon). 

Though I didn’t really know (or work with) him, but the inspirational speech he gave at our sendforth dinner told me a lot about him. An Empathetic Christian doctor who isn’t just out to make money but to make a difference. 

 

8. Most likely specialty, and why?:

Geriatrics. 

I just have this love for elderly people and I feel the way our health system is currently designed doesn’t really suit them 

i.e. the Nigerian healthcare system is NOT old-people friendly. 

Like Children, they have special needs and peculiarities that should be properly addressed. 

Many of these elderly men and women gave their youthful years in one form of service or the other to the nation, therefore they should benefit from good health care.

 

9. Most unlikely specialty, and why not?:

 

Surgery. 😱😱😱

That posting was too stressful.  Abeg!

And their wahala as a department was just too much (a department of numerous rules and regulations !)

I do love the practical aspect of surgery, but the unfair treatment I saw our senior colleagues (residents) go through was not funny.  I can’t live my life like that jare

 

10. Three life lessons from housejob:

 

i. Be brave enough to face your fears. 

ii. There is a thin line between life and death and as a doctor you may be the one with the pencil that will draw that line or the eraser that will clean it off. 

iii. Build Relationships, nurture them and cherish them.

11. Most embarrassing moment:

I honestly can’t remember any.

 

12. What are you thankful about:

 – God’s faithfulness in bringing to pass the things he said.

– All the people I met, especially all my teachers and colleagues.

– I am specially thankful for the new friends I have now. I didn’t really have a lot of friends before HouseJob but God gave me friends who are now my sisters. Hallelujah!

The 3 Musketeers❤️


 

13. Longest day ever:

Day ke? Dayssss… My entire SCBU posting!

 

14. Happiest day ever:

The day I saw my Primaries* result.

 

15. Something to miss:

  • The chiefs who were like older siblings to me. Those ones I could have a conversation with conveniently anytime.
  • My darling friends.
  • Weekend trips to Mount Patti (Fitfam Adventure☺️)

16. Rate your housejob experience on a scale of 1-5:

4/5 

 

17. Call food: Yay or Nay? 

Indifferent 

 

18. New skills learnt: 

Quite a number. 

 

19. Unforgettable patient

One patient in general surgery who had surgeries up to 3 times, due to complicated perforated typhoid Ileus, I think… Well, she is alive doing well!

There was another woman in Gynae ward who had a cancer. She is now late though.

20. Any regrets? 
None that I can think of.

 

21. Favorite mantra:

This too shall pass.

 
22. Shout out to 3 friends you made during house job: 

(Hian…3 is too small ooo!)

 

Debby– She opened her room to me for the entire period. It means so much to me and I just can’t thank her enough. 

She chose to be my friend and treated me like her sister. I love all the lovely moments we shared together gisting, going out etc

She taught me how to take care of my natural hair, and tried her best to bring me out of my shell 😉

Debby, God bless you dear🤗

Deby and I.

 

Eunice– She encouraged me to start my blog the first time I had a conversation with her. 

She is also motherly, caring, and a no-nonsense person. 😬


Ifeoluwa Yes, me! 😂 For sticking with me throughout the one year despite all my plenty wahala. For being bold and courageous to take new steps to an amazing new me. 


Baby girl, you’re the best!😘😍❤️
 
23. What next after housejob?

 

NYSC, then others as the Lord leads.

 

24. If not Medicine, then what? 
 

Farming, Catering/Baking. (Yes, I’m a foodie😅)

25. What’s more important for a House Officer, skill or stuff? 

Both. 

Stuff without skill is useless because the stuff will not transform to an intervention all by itself without appropriate application.

And skill without stuff makes one look like a gambler just trying something just to see if it will work or not, and if it does work, applying it to everyone that comes forgetting that patient care should be individualized. 

26. Thank you for sharing your Housejob experience.

Thanks for giving me the opportunity 😀. 

*Primaries: An exam written to enter into the residency program. 
 

***


Editor’s Note:

Dr Sarah (a.k.a Sarah Baby 😍), is my warm and wise friend-turned-sister, a chef of life and destiny (she can cook for Africa😂), budding blogger and a fellow believer in Christ. 

One of the most inspiring people I met during housejob. I really believe our meeting was not ordinary, God had a hand in it. 

Beneath her calm exterior is a depth with several stories of her journey with God, and an emphasis on his faithfulness and constant love. 

A foodie, lover of God and natural hair enthusiast, she doesn’t just preach her faith, she lives by it. 

Dr. Sarah blogs here.

Thank you for reading!

:::requ1ne:::

     ❤️❤️❤️

A BEAUTIFUL LOVE STORY (SIMTOM’16)


“Our love is forever, cos Christ is our pillar.” –Tomiisin & Simeon.

Meet the soon-to-be couple
My good friend Oluwatomiisin, and her fiancé Simeon will be tying the knot in a few days. 

The soon -to-be couple.

Tomiisin is one of the most amiable persons I’ve met. I’ve known her for over a decade, as we attended the same secondary school (FGGC OYO). In school she was easily liked by everyone, students and staff alike. She was a cheerful and well-behaved student. She was also God-fearing and a committed leader in the school chapel. And that’s where we became friends. Today we’ve come a long way thankfully despite the growing time and distance.

Tomiisin
About 3 years ago, I got to know Simeon, who Tomiisin introduced to me as “Noble“. We still haven’t met yet, but we have maintained social contacts. I see him as a nice and diligent young man, and our conversations have been cordial. I remember he was trying to convince me at some point that I should become a Paediatrician so that I can take care of their kids in the future…😅

Simeon

How They Met:

The pair met at the Obafemi Awolowo University (OAU), Ile-Ife about 6 years ago. Tomiisin who was a student of Joseph Ayo Babalola University (JABU) at the time was spending the break with her cousins at OAU. According to her, she had gone with them to study (in preparation for her 1st semester exams) at a lecture theatre (ODLT II) one fateful day, when she met him. 


They got talking casually. Then became friends who grew fond of each other. As days turned into weeks and months, their friendship progressed into interest, and blossomed into love. Thus the relationship was birthed.


Over the years, the two remained committed to each other not just in thoughts, but through their words and actions. Their relationship was initially characterized by late-night calls, chats, and a number of catch-up visits in between. One time Tomiisin told me of how her fiancé came all the way from Lagos to pay her a surprise visit in Ikeji-Arakeji, where her school was located. 


Thankfully, as the relationship grew, the distance became less since my friend had the privilege of serving (and eventually getting a job) in Lagos state, where her fiancé worked. 


Of course like in every relationship they had their own unique challenges, but through honest conversations and faith in God, and the encouragement and support from godly parents, siblings, mentors and friends, they overcame such.


I admire their togetherness, strength, courage and determination to face the world together. It takes faith to commit one’s heart and future to another person.


Here’s what they think of each other: 

Simeon- She’s a Sweetheart_ 😘

Tomiisin- He’s a darling_ 😍


Today I celebrate a friendship that has persevered, a relationship that has endured challenges and a dream that has become a reality.


Yours is a beautiful love story and I hope it inspires all of us that desire a story as beautiful as it is.

The video clip is a token of my love and admiration to you both.

“Two are better off than one, because together they can work more effectively”. 

 – Ecclesiastes 4:9

Congratulations Tomiisin and Simeon, may your home be blessed, fruitful and established in Christ.

Cheers to an amazing future together!!

Much love,

XoXo

:::requ1ne:::